"Did you hear what I heard?"

Gossip; why do we do it and what's a girl to do about it?

First Published Autumn 2024

What is gossip?

According to our trusty Cambridge dictionary, gossip is; conversation or reports about other people's private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or simply not true.

So, why do we love to gossip?

Psychologists highlight 5 key reasons

1. It’s a fast way to share info 

Evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar says gossip is a fast and effective way to share information

. 

2. To warn others

We gossip about those we deem unreliable. For example; “Don’t hire that builder, he’s a cowboy.” This concept is understood as, Prosocial gossip.

3. To feel powerful

Knowing-"I know something you don’t know”- makes a gossiper feel superior.

4. To build bonds

Sharing negative gossip about another person actually creates closeness between the gossipers. 

The character of Clairee Belcher in Steel Magnolias sums up the phenomenon; “If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”  

5. To belong to a group

Social Identity Theory suggests that we have an inbuilt need to feel part of a group and gossiping helps us to feel that we belong.

Do words pack a punch?

Much as we love a chinwag, the potential harm caused by gossiping cannot be overstated. It is particularly destructive if we demonstrate a reckless disregard for both, the truth and the impact on those we are gossiping about.

Our words can certainly pack a punch and in the worst instances, gossiping constitutes serious antisocial behaviour. It is a habit practiced predominantly by women. While men talk with their fists, women simply talk.

This is borne out by scientific research. In an interview given to Intelligence Squared in 2018, Clinical psychologist Jordan B. Peterson explained; “People look at aggressive and anti-social behaviour in women and in men, and in women it tends to take the expression of innuendo, gossip and reputation destruction. In men, it tends to take the form of outright physical aggression.”

"While men talk with their fists, women simply talk"

Gossip in the Workplace

Our need for gossip seems insatiable and even permeates our professional environments. Beware though, because garnering a reputation as a workplace nosy parker can undermine one’s professional credibility and potentially hamper career progression.

Furthermore, we must all tread carefully when cosying up to the office busybody for the latest dish. This seemingly entertaining lunchtime habit can amount to workplace harassment – a sackable offence.

Gossip in the ‘Hood

Idle gossip round the neighbourhood can also easily cross the line into slander, giving rise to legal action. A mistake so costly that our local busybody could find herself pitching a tent and living on the street.

“It’s good to talk”

We don’t just love to gossip about Betty down the road, we also love to speculate wildly about those in the public eye. As Bob Hoskins famously declared; “it’s good to talk” and it seems we won’t be stopping anytime soon.  Millions of us eager for the latest bizz on celebs, actors, musicians and royalty, subscribe to Perez Hilton, TMZ, PopSugar, People and E! Online.

Rumour has it...

It is clear that none of us is above engaging in idle gossip and equally, no one is immune from being the subject of it.  So, if you find yourself a topic of the rumour mill, what’s a girl to do?  Maybe we should take a leaf out of the book of the rich and famous. After all, for celebs, being gossiped about is an occupational hazard.

Approach one: Ignore it

American Comedian and host of the Steve Harvey Show imparted this wisdom to the audience of his hit daytime programme; “Other people’s opinion of you ain’t none of your business, nor should you make it so.”

Harvey further challenges his audience; “Anyway what difference do it make?  The people talking about you-they probably don’t even know you.”

Additionally, an over eagerness to address and quell spurious gossip inspires reflections on Shakespeare’s Hamlet; “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”

Approach two: Call in the Lawyers

In what remains one of most high-profile cases witnessed at the Law Courts in London, Tom Cruise made a transatlantic journey in 1998 to be present in Court 12 when he and Nicole Kidman successfully sued the Express News Paper.

The tabloid made allegations that their marriage was a sham, designed to cover up their homosexuality. The Express also alleged that Cruise was impotent and sterile.

Outside court, Cruise said: "I don't take a whole lot of pleasure in being here today. It is the last recourse against those that published vicious lies about me and my family. I have to protect them.”

Their tenacious legal action served as a warning shot to other publications. It deterred them from publishing defamatory articles about Cruise, Kidman and other young families in the public eye.  

Had Kidman and then husband, Tom Cruise, not called in the lawyers, quelling these malicious rumours would have ultimately proven a mission impossible. 

"Other peoples opinion of you ain't none of your business."

Steve Harvey

Approach three: If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em

For those of us who don’t have pockets as deep as glamourous Hollywood stars, consider an imaginative suggestion made by one Reddit contributor. If you are the subject of a shocking rumour, fabricate an even worse one about yourself. Spread it around and really give them something to talk about!

Wilde Gossip

If you do find you are the talk of the town, console yourself in the knowledge that; “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” (Oscar Wilde).

Equally, the next time we feel inclined to indulge in and devour wild gossip, we perhaps ought to bite our tongues and reflect on the wisdom of Nishan Panwar;

“Rumors are carried by haters,

spread by fools,

and accepted by idiots.”

Pass it on…